Roses
by Stacey-Marie
Summary: 'i don't know maybe it was the roses / roses or the ribbons in her long brown hair / i don't know maybe it was the roses / all i know's i could not leave her there'..13+11 fic..my only het one yet but for some reason the song really fit


Title: Roses

Author: Stacey-Marie

Pairings: 13 + 11

Warnings: angst, songfic, deathfic

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing and all of it's characters, mecha and other miscellaneous stuff isn't mine so don't sue me because you have a better chance of finding a live cabbit in my room than something of value. . _It Must Have Been the Roses_ is the property of the Grateful Dead, if I claim to own anything of theirs please shoot me. I am too pathetic, they are too godlike.

Note: _Italics_ are also part of Trieze's thoughts

Roses

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Annie laid her head down in the roses.

She had ribbons, ribbons, ribbons, in her long brown hair.

I don't know, maybe it was the roses, 

All I know I could not leave her there.

She had always liked her ribbons, it was the one thing that was always present to remind me of who she really was underneath it all. Next to the sharp military uniform, piercing gaze and commanding voice there was always those small ribbons in her hair, the one thing that neither side of her could bear to part with. I remember when she left for Moscow she wore one of my roses, fitting that she wore one when she returned. But then, then it had been my parting gift to her, to wish her well when I knew I would not see her for a very long time if ever. Death is an interregnal part of the dance we follow as soldiers, we don't pretend it's not there waiting in the shadows for us. We know it is there, but just as it is in human nature to fight, it is in all living things' nature to die. She was the one who taught me that, she was always so accepting of what she could not change in any possible way, but if she believed she could change something nothing would stop her. Not even me. That is why she has returned bearing a rose for me, she wished to make my ideals reality and to save the spirit that would save our world. Before her rose was a flower, now it is blood. She still hasn't woken, I wished just once that I could give her my love before I went off to die. I know that we have to leave soon or the cannon will be fired and everything any of us has tried to do will be for naught, but I can't. I can't leave her lying lifeless here and never know that I am really dying for her. For her ideals are what have shaped mine in ways even I cannot fully understand, and to end the war with the peace she really did try to bring to space. I think that was really what she wanted all along her loyalties shifted and created two of her, but he aim had never changed. Whether in blood or in paper she wanted piece for us all, she almost succeeded in getting it in both ways. 

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I don't know, it must have been the roses,

The roses or the ribbons in her long brown hair. 

I don't know, maybe it was the roses, 

All I know I could not leave her there.

Once I remember her standing in the last rays of light as the sun went down. I don't remember what she was saying or where exactly I was but I do remember the look of her. You could barely see her from the angle of the light and her voice floated through Greek columns like a whimsical song… I think that I may have been sending her out to kill someone. To have her pale hands nurture more blood roses on someone else's breast. Slowly tracing the curves of her face now, I wonder how anything could be so beautiful. There was the smell of roses in the air then, and there is now. Just as they have always been present with me, it is their scent, the tiny whips of perfume that linger on her. I would never have thought how much I really did adore that; that she was so like me and that she was always there, like the roses. The roses will never leave me, nor her, they will always be there as inescapable as the war.

__

Ten years the waves roll the ships home from the sea, 

Thinkin' well how it may blow in all good company,

If I tell another what your own lips told to me, 

Let me lay 'neath the roses, till my eyes no longer see. 

Before she left for space, in that last instant when I gave her my rose, that's when I first started to truly understand. She was the enigma that let things run she was my guiding force simply by her belief in me. I never should have let her continue to think that, never. I am not worthy to lead anyone half as perfect as her, let alone worthy of her trust. Yet still she went on to space, she went in my name but really she went for the peace. Space is quiet; there nothing can really touch her. Everything else will just fade away, there is no war, whether inside or out of herself, only her, only the quiet. She once told me that, told me how everything would just shift at odd moments and she would be left alone with no idea of what had happened. This was when I liked her best, when she was lost. It gave her such a perfect aura of never being touched by the blood and destruction I was causing and she lead all to well. Once during these odd times, she told me that she loved me, told me that I was the best thing in her life. But is wasn't totally in the way one might think, she loved me on a more abstract level, the level where she understands and is understood by me. That was one of the reasons I started to love her back, I had always loved how she was one of the few who did know the real me, not the figurehead. But because of her dual sides she was able to sort away the real me for only the right times, the times when she was lost. She never judged me either, not when her own sins were just as heavy. Yet she did not even acknowledge these sins, instead she devoted herself to me and took all steps necessary for me. I never really thanked her for that, for my peace.

__

One pane of glass in the window, 

No one is complaining, no, come in and shut the door, 

Faded is the crimson from the ribbons that she wore, 

And it's strange how no one comes round any more. 

My second has just come in, it's time. I need to go now, I need to go die. I wished she had woken up just once while I was here, so I could have seen her eyes and how she always held such faith in me inside them. I want to know that I am making the right choice. I may have helped in creating this mess, but I have no wish to leave it to a mad man controlled by a system I also helped create. In a way I really did create a new world, I had promised I would and now it has come to be. Unfortunately it is not the world I wanted to give to her. It has no peace and it must be cleansed in the blood of the many soldiers loyal to each side before her peace can come. She is the only one I know who could really understand peace. It can never be total; blood must always flow to keep it precious. She is whole now, though she is still fighting for her life and me, her real battle has ended. Two lives have fused to one and she is so much stronger than before. She has the peace inside that she gave to me and will be able to keep alive for the world. I wish that she could know how proud I am of her, I wish she could know that I was never as strong as she was. Wishing is for the living though and I am a man already dead, just because I am standing here doesn't mean that I am alive. It merely means that I have held off fate for a moment to say goodbye.

__

I don't know, it must have been the roses,

The roses or the ribbons in her long brown hair. 

I don't know, maybe it was the roses, 

All I know I could not leave her there.

I don't want to leave, not now or ever. I am not afraid of my death it is just that I don't want to leave her, I need her strength to help me through this and I want her to come back to me. What will our blood peace be worth if she cannot be there to protect it? No one else here can do it. The Peacecraft girl is too idealistic, if she were to be allowed sole rule we will be slaughtered by someone like me. Lucrezia could never choose what side to be on all that mattered was Zechs, she is opposing him now but that will not last long…maybe she will be able to stick to her side but she will never be able to fight him for her ideas. The Gundam pilots are too jaded, at fifteen their whole world is blood and death, they will flounder in the peace to come unless there are jobs to keep them secure in their lakes of blood. Zechs, my dear friend cannot see past the ZERO system. He is like the pilots drowning in the blood of innocents and soldiers but needing that blood like air. I think that he has always feared peace because he would need to reclaim his true name and answer for the deeds he has done. All that is past now, she will be able to bring what is needed together for peace to truly last. I love her for all this, I love her for so many other things I could never find the voice for and now never can. 

__

Annie laid her head down in the roses. 

She had ribbons, ribbons, ribbons, in her long brown hair. 

I don't know, maybe it was the roses, 

All I know I could not leave her there. 

She is with me now; she has come to space to fight with me. Death will never be able to embrace me as well as she could with her eyes filled with innocence or determination. My sacrifice pales in the wake of the silent part of her that screams out in pain and is dying knowing that I go off to die. I am not strong enough for this, so as her heart breaks I will draw on her strength to go and destroy the thing which she loves: me.


End file.
